Doug being random: Choosing books and weird stuff about optimization techniques

About 12 or 13 years ago I recommended a book to my dad that I had quite enjoyed. I knew there was a part toward the middle that you kind of had to slog through but I thought that it was worth it. Dad started it and about a month later I asked him what he'd been reading lately. "Nothing, really. Just haven't wanted to pick up a book and really get into it lately." That was weird. But I thought I knew what was happening. "What did you think of the book?" He hadn't enjoyed it enough to keep going. So looking at my own experience I made a guess about what was happening. "I think that what is happening is that you aren't enjoying the book but you kind of think you should read it. When you want to read something you think that if you are reading you really ought to be reading the book I recommended. But you don't like it so you end up not reading anything." He was impressed with my insight (which is probably why I remember this story in the first place!) and told me that that was what had been happening. I released him from the book.

Gradually I have come to decide that a book is not something I have any obligation to (probably Dad felt the same way: it wasn't loyalty to the book that was holding him back). There are so many excellent books out there. And there is plenty of chaff. So if I have begun one that seems to be mostly chaff I drop it. Actually, these days I tend to begin a good three different books simultaneously. The ones that gets enough of my respect to be finished win.

To a certain extent I am a believer in this strategy in life. You try a lot of things and keep the ones that work. On the other hand . . . did I already tell you the story of the neural nets? Neural nets can be used to search a parameter space for the best spot. You can give them different behaviors. If you make them completely linear they find good spots quickly, but not necessarily the best spots. They are finding local maxima. You can also add some random noise to their behavior. If you add a bit they will jump out of the local maxima and are more likely to find the true maximum. If you crank up the randomness more and more though they go crazy. They become more and more likely to reject the global maximum and search and search forever.

We have memories and a finite lifetime. So one option is to search for a set amount of time with a fair amount of randomness and then gradually turn down the randomness and settle in to something that is pretty darn good. Actually, that approach is used as well. Physicists talk about an annealing algorithm where spaces are searched by beginning with a system at a high temperature (high temperature means lots of random motion) and then gradually cooling the system, letting it gradually settle into a nice spot in the parameter space.

Perhaps this desire to learn about everything and taste a little of everything is part of an instinct for optimization. I guess I just hope to be neither so sedated that I get trapped in a local maximum or so hopped up that I can never find a place to make my home. Hopefully the mental temperature will gradually decrease leaving me in an excellent solution by the time annealing occurs.

Why are the Olympics worth watching?

So why are the Olympics worth watching? Why are they worth having? How does it benefit anyone if one person can run really fast? And yet I love the Olympics. I love the film Chariots of Fire. Who cares if you can spell a million rare words in a day when spell checkers are pretty good? What does it matter if one girl can spell a lot of words correctly? And yet I loved the film Akeelah and the Bee. Who cares if a rocket goes into the air? And yet when the boys in October Sky made their rocket shoot up into the air, it mattered. We were elated. Something internal seems to be saying that performing to the very best of your ability must be of value in and of itself. It isn't just about the race or the spelling bee or the rocket. It is about persevering despite difficulties. It is about a spirit stretching mind and body to capacity. It is about reaching toward the divine.

How can I conclude anything other than that the striving in and of itself has value? And yet we still need food. We still need a safe place to sleep and clothes to wear. So certainly working toward ends grounded in more quotidian needs has value. It seems like if you are going to put your heart into something it is worth thinking about that something and how it relates to the larger picture. Do you like how it relates?

The most joyful times in life may be when you can let go of hesitations and fears and second thoughts and focus all out on the completion of a goal. For me to do that I have to trust the goal and know deep down that it is a worthy one and a good one. Perhaps, considering the lessons of these films, I should rethink what it means for a goal to be a worthy one. I might have rejected any of those goals as being strictly Rococo. But a Rococo goal for which you can truly strive is certainly better than a lot of functional goals that you bind yourself to only because you must.

This life is a beautiful one. I believe that we are to reach to the heavens. And I am inspired by so many people who have done so.

Doug

Thanks to the octillions

I'm grateful for the chance to be alive at this fascinating time. Things are changing forever. Now! In our lifetime! I'm grateful for the chance to build up a family alongside Gina. I'm grateful for the chance to learn about how light and the smallest particles behave and to see the mysteries that are troubling the world of science right now. I'm grateful for our new fishtank and the peppy little zebra danios that are zipping around in there right now. I'm thankful for the generosity and love of family, friends, and colleagues that makes this life not only barable but great. I'm grateful for the occasional good book that I have the pleasure of running accross. (Gina and I have been having some fun with Goose Girl and Enna Burning lately. Young adult lit, written by a young mother out of SLC!) I'm greatful to be alive at a time when the world isn't yet destroyed (or even completely tamed) but when we can travel to see so many parts of it and see so much footage of it. I think right about now may be when the opportunity to see natural beauty on this planet has reached its apex. . . I'm grateful for the law of tithing and the steady stream of miracles that have helped us not only survive but thrive through this time of family growth and graduate school. It's been truly remarkable. I'm grateful for the priesthood and the ability to do something powerful and real when our family or our friends need help.
I'm grateful to learn that there is no end to the challenges in this world. That there will always be new things to learn and new things to do. I'm grateful to the French, Italians, Indians, Afghanis, and Thia and to the good-old Americans for a remarkable set of cuisines to explore. And I'm grateful to all those octillions of little chloroplasts and chloroplast-like bacteria for their incredible work in maintaining our current out-of-equilibrium condition.

Happy November.

Thanks, Bart, for the reminder tonight.

Doug